When you just can't want to.

I have been laughing for years over a friend's little girl who adopted the phrase, "I can't want to!"
I took it on as my own, and lately I have been feeling like using it quite a bit.

Is it the weather?

Maybe it is the dismal, dull days that take my mind into a somewhat somber state that craves satisfaction, and joy. Old habits kick in and I am cruising the cupboards. New habits also kick in and i am reaching for a herbal tea before sitting back down, but those taste buds wont be fooled.

I NEED A SNACK WITH FLAVOUR!!!

A peppermint tea, a green tea with jasmine, a Devine Diva tea, 2 x dark choc coated probiotic balls.....yes I am even stooping to medication for a flavour!!!
A straight up black tea, and then I give in and get out the rice cakes. So I am spending the calories, and it needs flavour so I chuck on a half of a  banana....hmmm not bad.
Let's make another...oh crap, now those snack cals are adding up, and maybe I should have had a tuna so a protein snack may have stuck around longer.... :(
This is what happens if I am not out of the house all day exercising.

So am I turning into a new breed of crazy woman?

The old crazy version of myself obsessed over an immaculate house and a decent tv show to watch, and ate freely at each ad break.

The new me , can't be arsed to clean the house since everything hurts from training, obsesses over children well enough to leave the house so I can spend all morning at the gym, and all afternoon at the coffee shop planning out my next dinner before hitting the grocery store.If I am not occupied like that, I am back to the cupboard creeping. Well on the plus size side, I did my preseason task and the binge worthy stuff in my house is hardly damaging, but it that is not the point.

Anyone else out there feeling a tad obsessive, and on the verve of a "can't want to" moment, where the effort to control yourself seems too frickin strong to control.

I am hoping this is not my true self about to be the saboteur, since she is feeling like her wings have been clipped and is jack of the robot mode I have created for her.
Don't get me wrong. Without creating this momentum, I would still be a fatty eating in front of the tv and I know my true self was not happy like that, but this new crazy woman is not it either.

I'm just gonna call it a case of the "Round 2's".
There is no wagon I am about to fall off.
I just think my ferrari is out of gas, and they only have standard at the pump....just sitting pretty until the premium unleaded arrives :)

Affirmation: I am in the right place at the right time. All is WELL in MY World :)


Carly

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Thankful Thursday - Edited for a Monday

Since it's quiet on the blog today I thought I'd share this post with you again. Carly expressed it so well and I think it's time to get it fresh in our heads again. :)

As a sharing tip I wanted to remind you all about being Thankful on this Thursday.
Each morning we wake up, try to find something to be grateful for. For me, everyday I actually wake, I consider it a bonus. There was a time when I had wanted to sleep and never wake, and now I am truly grateful for new eyes to see the world in a different light.
When your square gets limiting...think outside of it!!!
For the days when our legs are killing from the workout of the day before, be grateful for your arms. For the days when you could not walk another step, jump in the water and swim.When the kids are too sick for creche, rug them up in the stroller pop on the cover and walk them with you.
Don't be afraid of the new things and the different things in life.
Be brave, for the only way to get where you have never been before is to try the other path :)

Carly xx

Affirmations: I am grateful for my amazing body, full of vital energy and healthy cells. I eat foods to nourish my body, and move it in ways that feel enjoyable.


For more daily affirmations, I recommend the beautiful Louise L. Hay. Her book, "You Can Heal Your Life", helped me to change mine.

http://www.louisehay.com/affirmations/

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Stand Your Ground...

Well,
I was lucky enough to attend Stand Your Ground 1 course this Saturday afternoon gone.
I went because I had found that while I had got my body to a certain point, I felt like my mind and spirit were not exactly on the same page, and I needed to reconnect with my true self.
Absolutely LOVED the course. Terrifying, confronting, physical, and calming all at once.

My realisation was that I thought that losing my weight would lead me to mental freedom.....ahhh No!

What did I still feel stuck, heavy, sad? I had started to build a whole new prison of restrictions around myself that I thought I had removed in fat. I did achieve my robot mode at the gym, but my inner Rebel was starting to burr up and scream at me, "Ï don't want to do this anymore!!"...I wasnt listening until the TRUCK hit me. Not a real one, but it may as well have been. My niggling shoulder is now an out of action shoulder and my swimming and crossfit are now on hold.

Red Self Wraps by Vikki

So, what am I going to do? I am going to think more like my inner rebel. What does she want? Does she only want this because my social fascade self has told her this is how it is going to be?
I am trying to realise what truly makes me feel free and get more of that into my life.
I promise if it leads me to nude bungee jumping, no facebook pics for inspiration boards ;)

I am set to do Stand Your Ground 2 on Sunday. Looking forward to seeing that crazy red woman come out in me again. She is fun !!

Hugs Carly

Affirmation: All is well in my worldhttp://www.emazon.tv/emazon-private-training.html

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Cracks in the Armour

Happy Thursday morning all,

I thought I would share about my less than chipper week.
I have considered myself somewhat of an unwaivering powerhouse during Round 1, 2012.
And now, at the commencement of Round 2, 2012, I am discovering cracks in my armour.

I always try to stay positive, but another little voice has been making itself heard in my head.
Last round, I had noticed how a lot of the people who had been so inspiring to me as a newbie, on the success of their first round, had been sliding off a little in their second round. To tell you the truth, it terrified me, and my training partner and I made a pinkie swear that this would not happen to us. We also swore to be at the next finale.
So, Catherine got really sick a few weeks ago,then the finale was announced the weekend of my Daughter's 5th Birthday, that she is excitedly counting down to, and I vowed to power on regardless so I could show that I was still on the track. I went crazy and signed up to Tough Bloke Challenge, City to Surf and Triathlon Pink, and changed my training accordingly to meet my new, bigger goals.
My baby girl, has been constantly sick, and I rationalised that if the snot was clear and not green, and if she was still bright and playful, I could still take her to creche and train. I was not going to use her as an excuse to get out of training.

Image from here

Little AbiMary is now really sick, and yesterday I called it, and stopped the music.
How did this make me feel?
Well, I feel terrible. I feel like a crap mum, because I put myself first.
I feel guilt because I did not train for the last three days.
I feel negligent because I now realise I have a shoulder problem that I have been ignoring, thinking that I was soft if I stopped.
And today I feel fat! because I gained 600g acording to the scales on this particular day.

Depressing much?? Oh and I think I am getting bubby's cold.
In the event of trying to become a new person..which physically, I have definately achieved,

Aaaaaarrrggghhh!!

I find that I am full of fear.
I am strong, but I have weaknesses. I am forgetting to believe in myself, and my self doubt is not allowing me to trust myself.
My main fear, is that if I listen to my body and it says, "Please Stop!"...I am afriad it is the fat lazy girl talkling, not the fit intuative strong woman.
Round 2 for me now is having a major shift in focus.
Whereas I had thought that Round 2 was for me to strip the last 10 kilos off and smash my number related goal, I now realise it is time for the emotional and spiritual me, to reconnect and catch up to the changes in the physical me. It is ok to be a mum first, if nurturing myself is to spend a day cuddling my sick and craving baby. God knows, that is why I had her. There is nothing more precious that holding a tiny life and filling it with all the love in your heart.
Yeah, I am also learning to put myself first, but that does not mean that every spare minute in my day has to be filled with a workout..
(LISTEN TO YOURSELF CARLY!!).
Before I end up a broken heap on the floor, no good to anyone, I now take time to nuture my soul. I will schedule this in. In this, I will find the balance in my new life that I have been so lucky to have been given.

Affirmation: I have succeeded! I trust in myself and take time to nuture my mind, my body, and my spirit every day :)

Big Hugs

Carly xx

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Weekly Wrap Up - Preseason #1

Hurrah! 


Our first weekly wrap up post! And what a fabulous week of posts it has been. 


On Monday Karen opened the week with a little Kitchen Makeover and how she resisted a catered lunch at work. Read Karen's post here.


Tuesday's dish was from Kristin who gave us a little bit of an insight to what it's like to do the Kitchen Makeover when you are living with your parents and have younger sibling's lunchbox treats to resist. Check it out here.


Wednesday we had a double dose of goodness with Marianne opening up about her battle with the scales and I shared my excitement and dread of Round 2 beginning. Marianne's post is here - and you really should check out the Youtube clip at the end. Really worth a watch. My post is here. 


Thursday Carly gave us her history and what led her to 12wbt and reminded us of the power of thankfulness. It's here if you want to check it out. 


And Friday ended with a bang as both Cora and Bex just floored me - in a good way!- with their openness and honesty. Cora told us what it was like to not only go through a difficult birth but also the after effects and how it had the power to change her. She went on to tell us in her post here how she got herself back in Round 1. 


And Bex shared her thoughts on emotional eating and her relationship with comfort food in her post here and so many things she said rang true with me. Well worth a read. 


So that's our week. Some of the girls did a fun run this morning and all over our group page there are photos of excited Round 2 members in new exercise gear. 


It's going to be a great Round 2! 


Task 7 & 8 open up this week - are you ready for that?! - and Week 1 will open up later on this week too!


Have a great Sunday! See you on Wednesday!

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