Till the cows come home...

Geez, it has been a roller-coaster for me lately and guess who is going to here about it. YOU GUYS! And I am seriously sorry for that. I am under a lot of stress in both my personal and work life and usually I have one or the other going well, so it is definitely a struggle for me to cope with not feeling like I have that release. On top of that I have been trying my best in the eating and exercise department, so I am both tired and just cranky (TTOM also) so it's all just a bit s*** right now. I may not even be communicating in the best way. 


Let me focus it around the current task 'Organise and Diarise'... I can organise until the cows come home, but if I want to eat my feelings, no amount of me convincing myself, talking to someone about it or whatever is stopping me. I eat until I am sick. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!! I have been crying heaps this week, I have been was doing well in the exercise and eating but have had binges that are ruining my efforts. There is no point me exhausting myself if I cannot get my eating right. What do they say, something like 80% or whatever is eating alone. I spent my weekend pre-cooking plenty of meals, I made sure I had enough to last me, so what is the go? I can blog about it too but it is always when I am driving home after leaving work that I just drive past Maccas or KFC and think....they will make me happy.


Now, I have blogged about my emotional eating in my personal blog and it did help me to recognise what I am doing, but I can't seem to pinpoint it when I am in that head space.
These are the things I KNOW about healthy eating and exercising that I feel:

• I know that I feel AMAZING after a workout so awake and alive and happy.
• I know that I don't over-think about drama in my life at the gym when I am working out.
• I know that my body feels lighter when I do not eat crap.
• I know that I feel better about myself when I eat better.
• I know that I do not feel sick when I eat clean, it's like my body thanks me.

That to me, seems like a lot of reasons to do it, doesn't it. Let's see what my reasons to eat immense amounts of food hidden in my bedroom is:

• I feel better about myself
• It's a way for me to distress after a crap day.
• I have to binge eat and watch an episode of a TV show I like
• It feels like a hug...

Geeeeez, I didn't expect that from myself seriously, I didn't. So how do I get past those, you know its weird... I actually often feel so supported yet at the same time so intimidated by the achievements of the awesome chicks in the group. I mean... I started losing weight in September 2009. I was 132kgs, I got down to 103, and have bounced around ever since. I am now at 108.6 but why am I still not proud of my accomplishments so far? And the fact that I actually have maintained for almost 2 years.. I don't know. And you know what else is weird... I haven't really told any of you guys that I have lost that weight, why would I hide that?!

But I do need to figure it out... people like Rach and her post titled 'Determined' was really inspiring about how she was using other people's success to boost her determination. I need to do that too.

Hot Tip: Lemons..Lemon water daily helps fight colds, Lemons freshen your breath, High in antioxidants, Applying directly on skin helps get rid of scars and rejuvenates your skin. How good is that!!

Love yas!