When it just isn't your day...

On Saturday, a bunch of us took part in Pink Triathlon. Coming off the back of Tough Mudder, I wasn't overly anxious about the day. A whole lot of things went wrong the day before - including the kitchen sink - and  that had me worried. I thought that, maybe, it just wasn't my day for a good race, but feeling defeated going into a race is a horrible idea.

And so, I pushed aside the anxiety and decided that instead of my unsuccessful day continuing, that it would turn around with this race, and I'd end thinking that my broken bed and sink were no real issue. Good plan, yeah? As you probably know, that didn't happen. My bike got a flat tyre not even half way into the bike leg and I ended up walking back to the transition point, fighting back the shame that comes with giving in.

As I got to the entrance to the arena, an official called out to me and asked if I was okay. I explained the problem, and his response was simple, and cheery - "oh well, there's still the run!" He didn't seem to think I'd failed, and so heading to the bike racks, I was determined to shake off the frustration.

The run was great. 3km took me 20minutes, which is faster than how long it normally takes me, so that was exciting! I don't need to give you a race recap, though.

Here's the thing, my friends... Saturday was not my best race. It was my worst race yet because for the first time, I was fighting shame the whole way. There were valid reasons to give in. Yet, I think it might have been a successful race, because I crossed the finish line. Sometimes that's all you can do.

Beat the odds, cross the finish line, and then cheer your friends on as they finish their race, because isn't that what we're all doing? We're all fighting towards this finishing line that feels so far away, and against all odds, we want to get to it.

On Saturday, I became a triathlete.
Never again.
But so worth it.

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I can't!

Let's blame adrenaline for the funny facial expressions here...

Tough Mudder is proclaimed to be one of the toughest courses you can take on. It's 20km of obstacles, mud and in the case of the Sydney leg, a whole lot of hills that come out of nowhere. It truly is a physical force to be reckoned with. Facing up to the start line, my body was shaky because it knew what was coming, but there was a bigger battle going on - and that was the battle going on in my mind.

A bunch of friends have asked me why I'd sign up for Tough Mudder, and sometimes I'd tell them a story about how my friend Matt agreed to get a mohawk if I did (and he currently has a mohawk, so that isn't a lie at all), but with those who I felt comfortable enough with, I told them the real reason. I told them that it's because I don't think I can.

The reason I agreed to take on Tough Mudder was because everytime I looked at the course, I felt a surge of shame that told me that I could never finish it, that I was stupid to even look at something so hard and consider stepping foot onto the course. And so, I signed up.

I signed up because I was sick of the crippling words, "I can't." There is only so much of that phrase that one can take. I'd reached my limit. If you talked to me in the months, and especially the week, leading up to Tough Mudder, you'd know that I didn't let go of the language of "I can't." when I signed up. It stayed with me, right up until the end of the course.

It stayed with me as we scrambled up and over 3m high walls, but it did get a bit quieter.
It stayed with me as we jumped into ice cold water, but the cold drowned it out for a while.
It stayed with me as we crawled under electric wires, and the electricity reminded me that I could.
It stayed with me, the whole course. Getting quieter, and quieter, as the day went on.

Then, at the end, there was a orange headband on my head, and a shiny blanket around my shoulders to keep me warm. The months and weeks and days leading up to that day became irrelevant suddenly, because all the times and the people and the moments when "I can't!" was louder than I could bear, became a lie.

I did.
I did.
And I want to do it again.

See, you and I have things that we think we can't do, because that's how its always been. We can't run. We can't jump. We can't finish a 5km, we can't do city2surf, we can't do Warrior Dash, and man, oh man, we CANNOT do Tough Mudder.
Except, we can.

You can.

Stop listening when your mind tells you that you can't. Chances are, you can.

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Fistpump or Shoot the Scale - Yes AGAIN!

So yes, totally snowed under at work before I head off to Perth next week! Yeeeewwww!

But I thought this might be a good time to pull this ol' chestnut from the archives and remind us about the futility of comparison. Particularly since it's our first official weekly weigh in for Round 3 today ;)

Enjoy. :)

First official weekly weigh in today. 

Image from here

Some of you are fist pumping the air right now.
Pleased with your efforts.
Glad you refused that hot chip or that piece of chocolate.
Chuffed that you decided to move your rear end to the gym rather than plonk it on the lounge and let your fingers do a remote control workout instead.
Excited because you didn't expect to actually see a difference in such a short amount of time.
Inspired to keep going.

Or inside your head you're doing this.....

Image from here

As most of you know I read a great blog post by Narelle at Frichot Fitness yesterday about smashing the illusion of perfection and comparing ourselves to others. 

During Round 3 last year I worked really hard on squashing that 7 year old version of me that wanted perfection and thought that if she didn't have it then she had failed. I pursued consistency over perfection. I lost weight nearly every single week. I did not follow the program "perfectly" once. Yet because there was consistency the fat melted off. 

Image from here

"So comparing yourself to someone else. How do you know that you are comparing apples with apples and not with oranges? You DON’T! Why are you comparing yourself to someone else?"

And I had another "Ah-ha!" moment right there. Even if someone looks like an apple like me - similar height, similar weight and even similar fitness or fitness & nutrition efforts during the week. 

Image from here

They might be an orange on the inside. I have no access to their inner makeup. I don't know what medications they may be on or not. I don't know how certain foods effect their bodies. Or how their hormones do or don't effect their weight loss. I have no idea. 

So what's the point of comparing really ? 

Well. The thing is you can compare. 

To yourself. To your results. To your effort. Over the long term. Not the short term because sometimes you may weigh more on a Wednesday than you do on a Thursday. Does that mean you should weigh in on a Thursday? No. That will just eventually mess with your head too. Just watch for a pattern. Do you have great losses for 3 weeks running and then a small one or a gain on the 4th week? Is it PMS or is it the fact you let your sweet tooth or your carb cravings get the better of you at this time ? Only you know. And only your data can tell you. 

So how are you feeling now ? Ready to continue the good work you've started or begin from now ? 

Don't let Wednesday mornings mess with your head. Don't "punish" yourself or "reward" yourself by what shows up. Just see it as one marker along the way to show your progress when reflect later on and look back. 

Anyway the weekly video opened up about 30minutes ago. I would love it if you would come back to the group page and tell us what you thought.

See you all soon!

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Off season

It's the beginning of round three, and though I'm not in this round officially, I'm beginning to get my mind back to where it needs to be for my health to be on track. I hope you are too, whether or not you're officially in this round.

I've been thinking over the idea of the off season. In 12WBT world, it can mean anything from 'time to binge!' to 'I want to start next round on FIRE!' and so maybe that's what Michelle is up to in creating this pattern of rounds melting into rounds melting into rounds...

What about life, though? Does life have off seasons? Surely, it does.

You may have noticed my silence lately. I've been short on words, and low on moods. I haven't run since city2surf, but I do plan on slipping my runners on later today to help brighten my generally low moods. It's an off season of my life right now.

I'm waiting for a college to get back to me about a place.
Waiting for a church to give me a job.
Waiting for my birthday to pass so I can forget about it again.
Waiting, waiting, waiting.

And in the waiting, it somehow came about that I pressed pause on my health. When you press pause, everything tends to go backwards when it comes to health. Tough Mudder is less than a month away. This may sound strange, but I'm okay with going into it knowing that I'll struggle a lot. I'm okay with that because I know why and I'm okay with why.

This post was written whilst sipping a flat white and eating an English muffin at McDonalds. Irony, be my friend. 

But to be honest with you, I'm just tired lately. I'm tired and running out of reasons to smile.

It's an off season for me.
What about you?

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Retail Therapy

Retail Therapy

Nothing like a little retail therapy to soothe the soul, and not to mention, get you super pumped for Round 3!

Just got home from a bit of retail therapy at Big W! Yes, I went and bought some of Michelle's Bridges One Active gear.

Luckily there wasn't too much stock left at the Narellan store, otherwise I'm sure I would have bought a whole lot more! Ended up getting what I had on my shopping list, so am very happy with that! Oh, and bought the new purple top because it was just too pretty not to!

 

 

Round 3 Week 1 grocery shopping has also been done, so now it's time to finish off my preseason tasks! Still need to complete my fitness test & do my measurements...oh...and the dreaded "before" photo. But it's all good, because I know that by the end of this round I'm going to be looking and feeling A-mazing!



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TV Ad worth watching

Like the new TV Commercials for 12wbt!

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Ready or Not

Ready or Not Here I Come!

12WBT Round 3 starts in one week......ONE WEEK!

I'm still plodding along with Round 2 (focussing on maintaining my goal weight), but there are two main things I need to do before the next round starts:

1. Continue through until the end of Round 2....do not slack off!
2. Complete my Round 3 preseason tasks before Round 3 starts....and complete the tasks properly!

Lean & Strong  - that's the program I'm attemping for Round 3 - Eeeek!!

I'm excited about the potential results, but super nervous about how I'm actually going to go! I know that there will be hard days, days where I definitely won't feel like exercising and days where I feel like chocolate is my only friend, but there will also be days where I feel incredible, proud, happy and satisfied.

I know that by following 12WBT:

• I'm making changes for the better.
• I'm learning and growing as a person.
• I'm investing into myself and my family.
• I'm making awesome friends that have similar goals and aspirations.
• I'm cooking and eating fabulous meals that are guilt free.
• I'm allowing myself some "me" time (aka. time to train!)

So despite the reality of life's ups and downs, I'm looking forward to challenging myself and seeing the end results. Bring on Round 3 - Ready or not, here I come!!

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My Battle..

Where did my self respect go? 

I went away from 12WBT again!! I stopped focusing on my eating and my exercise and went away...I gave up.

Why?! I don't even know this time, I moved house, I smashed my car, I got sad. These are all my excuses. Why am I letting these things hinder me?

I have mentally just wanted to start eating healthier, I start PT twice a week next week with a friend which I am very excited about. I know he will absolutely punish us so I need to have my eating in check because otherwise all that pain is for nothing.

I've also decided that maybe I will join Round 3... its like... bugging me that I have yet to complete a round and things are different now. So I feel I will be more successful, I have much more support I feel. 

You know what I need like a full on major chat session with someone who gets it haha but I think I am the only one who gets it because its me?

Anyways, I am re-joining, because I know with uni I need something to keep me heading in the right direction! I need to eat better, however I have JUST started dating someone who is good with his eating so that may encourage me and be a support to me I think.

Something happened to me when I turned 27. I got a tattoo, I basically told haters in my life to shove it...and I started living my life. I want to travel next year, I want to get married and have children one day. I even got private health insurance to get my root canal sorted haha. New Bex. It's time.

Love love,

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