Happy Thursday morning all,
I thought I would share about my less than chipper week.
I have considered myself somewhat of an unwaivering powerhouse during Round 1, 2012.
And now, at the commencement of Round 2, 2012, I am discovering cracks in my armour.
I always try to stay positive, but another little voice has been making itself heard in my head.
Last round, I had noticed how a lot of the people who had been so inspiring to me as a newbie, on the success of their first round, had been sliding off a little in their second round. To tell you the truth, it terrified me, and my training partner and I made a pinkie swear that this would not happen to us. We also swore to be at the next finale.
So, Catherine got really sick a few weeks ago,then the finale was announced the weekend of my Daughter's 5th Birthday, that she is excitedly counting down to, and I vowed to power on regardless so I could show that I was still on the track. I went crazy and signed up to Tough Bloke Challenge, City to Surf and Triathlon Pink, and changed my training accordingly to meet my new, bigger goals.
My baby girl, has been constantly sick, and I rationalised that if the snot was clear and not green, and if she was still bright and playful, I could still take her to creche and train. I was not going to use her as an excuse to get out of training.
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Image from here |
How did this make me feel?
Well, I feel terrible. I feel like a crap mum, because I put myself first.
I feel guilt because I did not train for the last three days.
I feel negligent because I now realise I have a shoulder problem that I have been ignoring, thinking that I was soft if I stopped.
And today I feel fat! because I gained 600g acording to the scales on this particular day.
Depressing much?? Oh and I think I am getting bubby's cold.
In the event of trying to become a new person..which physically, I have definately achieved,
Aaaaaarrrggghhh!!
I find that I am full of fear.
I am strong, but I have weaknesses. I am forgetting to believe in myself, and my self doubt is not allowing me to trust myself.
My main fear, is that if I listen to my body and it says, "Please Stop!"...I am afriad it is the fat lazy girl talkling, not the fit intuative strong woman.
Round 2 for me now is having a major shift in focus.
Whereas I had thought that Round 2 was for me to strip the last 10 kilos off and smash my number related goal, I now realise it is time for the emotional and spiritual me, to reconnect and catch up to the changes in the physical me. It is ok to be a mum first, if nurturing myself is to spend a day cuddling my sick and craving baby. God knows, that is why I had her. There is nothing more precious that holding a tiny life and filling it with all the love in your heart.
Yeah, I am also learning to put myself first, but that does not mean that every spare minute in my day has to be filled with a workout..
(LISTEN TO YOURSELF CARLY!!).
Before I end up a broken heap on the floor, no good to anyone, I now take time to nuture my soul. I will schedule this in. In this, I will find the balance in my new life that I have been so lucky to have been given.
Affirmation: I have succeeded! I trust in myself and take time to nuture my mind, my body, and my spirit every day :)
Big Hugs
4 comments:
Look after you Carly and yes second rounds are sometimes a little more difficult mindset wise but a few weeks with your sick bubba isn't going to make you slide back into old habits I'm sure. :)
You are awesome Carly. You inspire me. :)
Nutrition is 80% anyway.
You can do this :) I know you can. :)
Thanks Vikki. Did you make it pretty for me? I need to learn how to do that. Right now I can't even see the full screen once I have typed it. I am blog challenged for now . Lol
I have a very sick little girl at the moment, so I know where you're coming from :(
@Carly - Only a little. ;)
And only for as long as you need me to. You'll get the hang of it. :)
xVikki
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