Split personality?

Image from here

...well not quite...

For most of my life I've struggled with opposing sides to my personality.

There is one side that kinda likes to achieve goals and be the best at something, to stand in the limelight a bit, to be affirmed by others that I respect for my acheivements or just for who I am and who likes to be involved.

And then there is the other side that doesn't like to make more of myself than I am, that prefers to promote others acheivements, to be the second fiddle or the wind against someone elses wings ( but only if I choose it - and that's another story! ) and just find ways to encourage other people most of the time at the deteriment to my own goals or sometimes even needs.

These opposing sides to my personality are a pain in the rear end to tell you the truth. I have missed out on so many opporutnites in the past decade because I didn't think that I deserved to be anything special. That by winning, obtaining my goals, even just stepping up and putting myself out there - I was somehow taking that same thing away from someone who was more deserving that I was. *sigh*

But since Round 3 I get it now and am trying really hard to balance the two sides out. Some days I am better than others but most days I am really quite worried that I am going to lose someone I care about or make another person insecure or angry or or or...whatever because I have cheerleadered for myself on facebook or in person.

Despite this I have been putting check ins and accountability status updates on my main Facebook profile about how I am doing - not all the time but apparently enough to inspire other people in my world to want to set their own goals and achieve them.

I've received a few tear worthy emails and inbox messages in the past week from people in my world tellimg me that I've inspired them to set their own fitness and nutrition goals and that has stirred up a number of emotions each time. I've found myself inspired by their acheivements and goal setting but I'm determiend not to feel like a fraud because it's seemingly taking me forever to get to get "there".

I guess it's also the little things like getting out of bed on a Wednesday morning at 5am to do that XtendBarre class when I'm not a morning person - you should see how unbalanced I am at that hour! And my ability to follow directions? Shocking! But I'm there burning calories, up for longer and my butt down with my planks and deeper in my Plies. Or posting my uber healthy dinner or acknoweldging that I do in fact eat out and enjoy it once it a while but don't go nuts and don't attach emotions it any more. Food is fuel that if I pick right tastes good. I'm moving away from the Food = A hug or Food = medicine that settles my stomach - although I did break my chip drought on the weekend and after 24 hours of my stomach churning I couldn't handle it anymore and I caved. But at least it took me 24 hours - not 2. Progress.

Inspiration comes from all sorts of places. For every one person that finds your check ins annoying or your accountability posts irritating - there are probably two who find you inspiring and another who might be annoyed but annoyed at themselves - not at you. ;)

Have a great week everyone!

Oh yes, I think my plateau has broken! Hurrah!